I was just thinking - thinking about civilization and the lack of. I like both yet they are such opposites. In the city life, there are so many distractions that can help or hinder your life. There are other people, your job, places to go and see, things to do, new people to meet, etc.
There's a guy I met here that was in Desert Storm/ Desert Shield in the Air Force. We were talking about some stories and how he still has nightmares. Although I was only there for 3 months, it's just different - the feelings, the thoughts that go through your mind. Andy spoke of how he changed - how he was once outgoing and now he doesn't really like people, stays quiet and to himself. He said even though it's been 16 years, it still feels like yesterday in the Gulf and that since he's been here at Pole, he's thought alot about that time.
It's strange because I too have been thinking of the past. I think quite often. Do I miss the military? Sometimes. Really, I do and wish I would have stayed in. Thoughts of re-enlisting are a constant in my mind - especially since there are still things I want to do in the Army. Other times I'm happy to be out... a majority of the time I think I made the right decision and I'm happy to be out. I guess even though it's been over 3 years, I'm still trying to adjust to civilian life. Every once in a while I check out the paramilitary job sites - and debate with myself whether I should try out a semi-military structure. There are quite a few jobs out there. I'm sure you can imagine where since most of these locales are in the news quite often.
So this is what goes on in my mind working mid rats on a mellow night...
The lack of civilization would be an example of where I'm at now. With the local population at 244, there aren't many people - you've met them all and everyone knows each other. It's a really small world. It's kind of nice yet kind of irritating that there's no sense of privacy. There's not a place you can just hangout by yourself... except in your own room.
Coming here, I knew it would be a nice break from the world. Sometimes, it gets to be too much and it's nice just to get away - no cell phones just a slower pace of life. I knew I could be without a cell phone being used to deployments and utilizing calling cards. It was just the internet I was a bit worried about. Once I found out there was internet available, I was content and willing to come here. I'd go anywhere internet is available. I can go without (literally) speaking with people but I like to email people and get information via the internet - just to keep in touch with the world but not really a part of it. Life gets much simpler without all the distractions. I guess sometimes I just like the seclusion.
When we were in Croatia, there were only 28 of us and the other side of camp were the Croatian Army. We didn't intermingle much except for weekend parties. Our platoon rotation was a month - there was no one else that spoke English and we lived in storage containers converted into sleeping quarters - 2 people per room. A lot of the soldiers got cabin fever being pent up in an enclosed camp and not able to leave except on missions. I kinda liked it - the remoteness. When we returned to Hungary, even though the post was small, there were just so many people to get used to again. It was a bit overwhelming.
I'm wondering if maybe there will be consequences in coming to Pole. Surely, it hasn't done anything to my career but I was willing to put that aside just for the experience of saying I've been to the South Pole. In socializing, I find myself becoming more of a recluse the more I travel through seasonal jobs. It's just that you make friends then after a bit, you leave for the next place and start over. So it's similar to the military in a sense that you move around a lot. At least as a civilian, I dictate where I'll be heading off to.
As far as the future, I know I need to focus and I thought by traveling I'd get work experience but it's just not the same quality as working in a fine dining restaurant or hotel. I guess I see others setting personal goals and trying to attain it and my goal thus far has been fairly simple - travel. It seems I'm still having a difficult time trying to figure out what I want to do when I grow up. There are still so many things I'd like to do. The big debate within is whether to settle or remain a vagabond. So far, the nomadic lifestyle has been the way to go.
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